his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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