i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
