My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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