You're my little dorito
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize