My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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