I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
