I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
