good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've blown a few things in my day
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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