i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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