so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
