I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
