He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize