Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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