So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
