I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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