I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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