I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
