They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
