is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
