i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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