She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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