Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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