im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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