Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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