I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize