Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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