don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
