im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
