Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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