Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
