I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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