I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
