Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
