Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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