You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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