WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sober January is a disaster.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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