Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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