bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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