be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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