Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
