I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize