There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
