So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
