I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
