Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
