he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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