tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
