Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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