I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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