i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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