Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize