You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
