he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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