I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
