I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
