dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
