I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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