I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize