I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
