So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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