So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
