If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
