Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
