his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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