yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
