with your own penis?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
