There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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