She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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