careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
