i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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