My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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