I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
MIDGETS
????
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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