Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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