do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
