idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
