My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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