you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
