and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize