Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
