Kiss
Puke
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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