Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
