he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You are a genius and a whore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
