It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
