he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
