I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
