o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
