omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
