Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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