Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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