I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
