If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
