I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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