yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
