Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
