the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
