like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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