Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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