We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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