great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's the barista slut.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize